


Don't Think

by artikgato



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Dildos, Exploring Sexuality, Fantasizing, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:27:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8527804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artikgato/pseuds/artikgato
Summary: Occasionally, there were times when he had a few quiet hours to himself in the house, and he would lock his door, close the blinds, and slide the nondescript cardboard box out from under his futon and contemplate it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I keep sitting down at my computer to write some fluff to try and take my mind off of current events, and I keep writing sin instead, so here you go.

Getting a dildo had been, by all accounts, much easier than Yosuke had expected. He'd ordered it online, and it had arrived at his doorstep in a discreet cardboard box labeled "textbooks", so his parents and Teddie had thought absolutely nothing of it. That, Yosuke had assumed, would be the hard part, but boy was he ever wrong about that. (Well, the _real_ hardest part had been Yosuke coming (heh) to the realization that he had any conceivable _use_ for a dildo - an embarrassing realization after months of denial and acceptance of certain facets of his sexuality.) The hardest part about the whole ordeal, really, was finding both the time and opportunity to even use it, let alone working up the courage to do it. Third year was no joke - he had a constant stream of homework, and now he played basketball after Souji had coaxed him into joining the team in his place, and he was taking guitar lessons, and he still tried to hang out with the remaining members of the Investigation Team and take Teddie over to see Nanako _and_ he still worked at Junes. Between all of the homework and after-school activities and part-time job and friends, Yosuke had very little personal time, and even when he did, he very rarely had the house to himself. Teddie had moved into another room, thankfully, but he was still there most evenings, and his parents had very unpredictable schedules, too. Thinking about it, Yosuke could probably count the number of times on one hand he'd had the house alone for more than half an hour in the past month.

But occasionally, there were times when he had a few quiet hours to himself in the house, and he would lock his door, close the blinds, and slide the nondescript cardboard box out from under his futon and contemplate it. Sometimes he even got up (heh) the courage to open the box and take out the dildo and hold it in his hands. Once he'd even gotten his hand lotion and slicked it up and slid it between his thighs, let the tip nudge his asshole, but didn't get any further than that. He wasn't stupid, he knew better than to do anything without stretching first...but still. He was afraid, he could admit that - but that was silly. It was just some silicone in the shape of a dong (by mentally referring to it as a "dong" he was trying to protect himself from letting the mood get too serious). But it was more than that - it was admitting, finally, that he wasn't straight. He already knew that, of course. He'd come to terms with his crush on Souji a long time ago, and he could at least appreciate that many of his male classmates and basketball teammates were attractive even if he had no actual interest in them. Many of his female classmates were still just as attractive, though - and that had confused him for a painfully long time. He couldn't like both, right? But as usual, it had been Souji who had told him, with a patient smile, that it was possible to be bisexual. So he knew he wasn't straight. He knew it, and he knew it was silly to even try to pretend anymore that he was, but it felt like the last thing to overcome was this. He could fantasize about putting his dick in a guy but still think of himself as straight. But getting fucked, having a dick in his ass - that was the last thing. That was the tipping point. But he'd still ordered the dildo, because even as he tried to pretend that he was still (mostly) straight, at the same exact time he was wondering, and fantasizing.

But now he had the house to himself. His parents were tied up at Junes, Teddie was working the closing shift, he'd completed all of his homework, nobody wanted to hang out - he had the time. He had the motivation. He looked at the dildo, just a harmless piece of silicone - and he was scared.

He did it anyway.

He thought about Souji, thought about how his hands would be steady, his fingers more sure of themselves, as he opened himself up - or opened Yosuke up. His dick was hard just picturing it, picturing soft, reassuring silver eyes and patient lips telling him to relax, to go slow, telling him how well he was doing. He had two fingers buried in himself and was sliding in a third, gently prodding at his prostate, before he felt like he had the courage to really go through with it this time. He stared down at the dildo, laying on the futon in front of him, unassuming and flesh-colored and dangerous and harmless, and considered how he was going to approach this. It had a suction cup, so he had a lot of options, really, but which would be the easiest? He almost wanted to call Souji and ask, trusting that he'd probably have the answer, but dismissed it outright. Opening up to Souji about his sexuality was one thing, but if he started asking for advice on how to best fuck himself with a dildo, he'd be going to down a road that would make it nearly inevitable that he'd have to confess his feelings for his friend, and he couldn't do that, he really couldn't (he really wanted to). He'd fuck up everything. Annoyed and frustrated with himself, he grabbed the dildo and slicked it up, still contemplating. Stick it to his floor and ride it? Could get messy - but then again, it was bound to be messy however he did this. Stick it to the wall and fuck himself from behind? It'd certainly be easier to pretend it wasn't a lifeless stick of silicone fucking him, imagine silver eyes and silver hair - and nope, not yet, maybe eventually, but that option was out. He could lie on his back, crawl his feet up the wall, and do it that way? Fuck, this was part of the reason he hadn't done this yet.

He stuck it to the floor and, before he could let himself get distracted being worried about it, he positioned himself above it on trembling knees and pushed the tip against himself. Gritting his teeth and forcing himself to relax, he slowly slid down, the head pushing in and it stung, it felt weird, his muscles were getting stretched in ways he wasn't used to, this was a bad idea - and then it sunk in past the ring of muscle, and it was easier after that, easier to slide down all the way to sit on the backs of his heels and breathe, eyes closed and biting his bottom lip at the feeling. He was sore and open and full in ways he had never felt before, and he could feel every inch of it inside him, felt like the head was miles deep inside him even though he knew the dildo was only seven inches long and he probably only had five actually in him, but five inches had never felt longer before. All at once he knew why people wouldn't like this and simultaneously understood why they would, because it felt kind of incredible to be so filled up like this, and he'd never been harder in his life. He planted his hands firmly on the floor and rose up a little, probably not even half an inch but it felt like so much more than that with the way the silicone slid and rubbed inside of him, and then he let himself drop. It hurt a little, but he needed more, _fuck_ he needed more. He reminded himself that he needed to go slow, took a deep breath, and did it again. And again, and again, and he thought about Souji, telling him he felt great and he was doing great, so he rose a little higher, dropped a little harder, and it was _worth it_. His dick was starting to ache, so he wrapped a hand around it and jerked himself at the same pace he was riding the dildo, let his other hand slide up his chest, thumbing over sensitive nipples, tracing around his neck, dipping down between his legs to feel the slick slide of the dildo, fondle his own balls, and it was good. He was so sensitive, way more than usual, and it was a heady feeling. He didn't have enough hands. He wanted hands touching him everywhere, rubbing his nipples, stroking his cock, sliding over his thighs and abs and pecs, and he wanted lips on his neck, on his shoulder, on his own lips...

When he was finally fucking himself hard enough for the head to slide against his prostate, he nearly lost it and came right there. His back arched on its own accord against the feeling, he squeezed his cock hard at the base, and he moaned out, louder than he expected, and only after he said it did he realize he'd cried out Souji's name. With a whimper he forced himself to stop, dropping back onto the dildo until he could feel the cool floor against the back of his thighs, trembling and twitching as he made himself stay still. He had just wanted to try it out, just wanted to get off, hadn't wanted to involve his feelings for Souji, but -

He rose up completely off the dildo and pried it off of the floor, scrambling back and all but slamming it into the wall at what he hoped was the correct height. The suction held, and he didn't let himself think, just turned around and pushed back against it, letting it slide into him again and immediately rocking back against it. The angle was _good_ , the tip rubbing against his prostate with every thrust in just the perfect way. He pushed his forehead into the crook of one elbow, ass in the air and face on the ground and it was such a slutty thing to do but he didn't care. Hand on his dick again, he let himself go, let the fantasy unwind itself in his mind, unbidden. He'd feel guilty about it later, right now he wanted to think about Souji - kind, patient, smiling Souji - holding him down with a hand on his head and fucking him relentlessly, telling him not to cum until he had, moaning his name and telling him he was tight, his ass felt so good, he was doing so good, Partner, Souji, Souji _Souji_ -

He came, hard and fast and unexpected, silicone dick buried as far inside him as he could get it with the weird angle, moaning Souji's name against the floorboards. His ass was sore and his knees hurt and he was so tired, so sated, so disappointed that there hadn't been a flood of hot wetness inside him, that he hadn't gotten to feel Souji cum, feel him grip his hips and pulse inside him. And he understood. He understood what was so good about a dick in his ass. He hadn't ever fucked anyone or anything other than his own fist, so he had no comparison, but he thought, with some degree of guilt, that he would probably like this better. And now he understood - there was no getting around it anymore, he wasn't straight. If it was always like this with guys, he may not even be bisexual?

What would Souji think, if he could see him? Would he accept his feelings? Would he be annoyed by them? Mad that he hadn't told him? Disgusted that he'd used thoughts of his silver eyes and silky voice to get off like this? Flattered that he'd been thinking of him the entire time? Yosuke didn't know. He didn't know, and he was terrified to find out. He checked his phone, after he'd put on new clothes and washed off the dildo and cleaned up the mess. He still had time.

He called Souji.


End file.
